The worst kept secret in Neptune
by Mela1984
Summary: Secrets is how I operate, but now I am ready to tell this 14 years old secret. I am ready to admit what I probably already knew...
1. Chapter 1

I am pretty much an enigma. I am hard to read, impossible to live with, hopefully also without, at least that is what I tell myself. Friends usually stick around, if I don't stab them in the back, like I did with Nicole, but usually they stay. Partners though, that is a whole other story. I am rarely single, unless you count the year Lily died, then nobody wanted to be near me, but after that, I have rarely been single. I have kissed a few guys… not to many, but a few. Duncan Kane was my first, I was so in love, it was magical...I mean I think it was, I didn't have anything to compare with. Then is was Troy, oh.. that was a disaster, the relationship I mean, not the kiss. I remember it being very… different from Duncan. But on the other hand I didn't know what to feel then. My third partner? Well, it's the one who would be the one I would go to whenever I wanted. I was in control, totally… actually, when I think about it, I kind of used him. It sounds really bad, the kisses though… they were the opposites of bad.

_The very first time, out of nowhere (for me)_

_I did something I should not have done. I planted a bug in Ms James office, I needed to hear what everyone was saying about Lily. It might have been a mistake. Some did not speak, like me, others didn't have to speak because Ms James already knew and some spoke plenty._

15 years ago

"What the hell, why are you here?" He said, but I just tipped my head to the side and crossed my arms. "What?" He just said. "You and Lily?" I said and now I had his attention. "Shit." Was all he said before opening the door all the way, he looked back into the house. "Let's go out back!" He said and started to walk, I followed him. He made sure no one was listening. "Where the fuck…" He started, but he was not going to get this one. "No! Really, you and Lily, why didn't you tell me? She was my best friend!" I said. "Then why didn't she tell you?Huh? If she was your best friend, why didn't she tell you? And actually, why should I have told you?" He asked and … well, he may have had a point. "Because I… I am trying to understand what happened, who killed her!" I said. "You know who killed her, and if you think that I wasn't interrogated by your dad or if you think I did it, then you wouldn't stand here!" He said. "My dad talked to you?" I asked, cause I had my hands on the investigation, but I hadn't yet read all of it. "Yes. I have an alibi… first time community service ever helped me! But that's beside the point, do you really think I would have killed her?" He asked. "You said you could have loved her… that she was someone you could have loved!" He now looked at me. "I did say that, but not to you!" I bit my lip, I was a bit embarrassed because now he knew where I had heard it. "You listen to conversations in Ms James office?" He asked. "I just..need to know!" I said. "Well good! Now you know, and if you get your hands on the investigation, you can read about it too, hell why not even ask your dad!" He said. "Did you love her?" I now asked and he looked at me. "I thought I did, I know now that she didn't love me! So maybe you can understand why I don't talk about it...she was ashamed of me, and I will not let her destroy my rep!" He said. "That's harsh!" I said. "You think? You think I am out of line, look what she did!" He said, and I knew he was right. I did know Lily, she liked attention and sleeping with the big bad biker leader must have been a big deal. However that did not explain why she never told me, unless he was the secret she told me she had… the good secret. I never got to know what that was, she died that day. "Are we done?" He asked. "I guess so...actually, I do get it. I was her best friend, so I do know how she was… not always very thoughtful." I said. "Oh, so you know she was no saint, that is a bit of comfort actually!" He said. "Sorry?" "You are a smart girl Veronica, smart and hot just like her. Before she died I only ever thought you were hot!" He said. "Never thought you noticed me!" I said a bit stunned, I mean he had a way of with playing with words and to flirt but this I didn't know. "I did. Bit hard to miss when you were on Kanes arm and wherever Lily was!" He said. "Well, now I am with neither!" I just said and was about to leave when he grabbed my hand. "No, and look at you now..morons keep away from you cause you scare them and from what I have seen from you, they should!" He said, but he continued to talk before I could reply. "Do you really miss being with them?" "You mean, do I miss having friends?" I asked. "No, they weren't friends. Friends don't do that!" I looked down at where he held my arm and he let go, I looked up at him again. Then out of nowhere (or at least out of nowhere for me because I missed all the signs) he kissed me. I was so stunned, yet I noticed how I responded to his kiss. I broke it and he smiled. "Good night Veronica Mars!" He then said and left me there.

_We never spoke of it, not to anyone and al though he could have thought I was just like Lily he didn't._


	2. Chapter 2

The real first time

_Yes, first times are often scary and they are suppose to be, I guess. Now I don't scare easily and I think the reason for that is because I had to learn to get tough. People would say I had a heart of stone, at least back then. But those who knew me, they knew it wasn't true. I may be a bitch, but I did not have a heart of stone, I still don't. However sometimes you get surprised and that day 14 years ago really surprised me for so many reasons._

14 years before

Normal… that's what it was suppose to be… normal. Dad made me quit working for him after what happened with Aaron Echolls and over that summer everything was so not normal. Me and Logan, I was faithful and I stood by him. He was no killer, I knew that! He was not his father, however he was not stable either. He and his friends messed around and by the time summer was almost over we had a full on classwar. My dad wanted me to be safe, but Neptune was far from it. No one was safe, at least not if you lived anywhere else that in the 09 zipcode. The day I broke up with Logan, dad had to throw him out, he was unstable and he was angry. I was lost and I was sad. I had thought that it was enough that I was there by him, but it wasn't. However, that night I wasn't calm. I was angry, fuming actually. A little after 7 I went out, promising my dad not to do anything stupid and I lied. I was going to do something really REALLY stupid, but I had to. I drove way to fast though town and I can barely remember the drive. I do remember coming there though, I was not greeted with any love, more along the lines of hate. "No! Get the hell out of here!" He said as I went up to his fence. "Why? Are you going to shoot me?" I asked and he stopped. "Me? No… I can't speak for the rest of the street though!" "We could have died!" I said and he looked confused. "Yesterday! You sent your boys to shoot through Logans car, we were in there!" He now stopped. "Excuse me?" He said. "What do you mean excuse me… gun blasting through the back window of his car, we were in the car, I heard bikes driving of!" I said. "I didn't…" He started, but then he seemed to realize that he was speaking to me, so he turned quiet. "You didn't know?" I asked, but he was still quiet, however he did open up the gate and came up to me. "Where was the car?" He asked. "Does that matter?" I asked, but he just kept looking at me. "Outside my apartment!" I said and suddenly he seemed a bit weird. "What?" I asked. "Are you ok?" He then said. "I guess, but still that was…." I started but he kissed me, and like a year before I kissed him back. This time he broke the kiss. "So you weren't hurt?" He asked. "No, nor was Logan!" I said and he let me go. "I really don't care about your murderius boyfriend!" He said. "You should, he is the one with the money to get out of things, also correction, ex boyfriend and he is not a killer!" He looked at me. "Ex boyfriend..since when?" "Did you hear the no killer part?" I asked. "We're not gonna agree on that one. Since when?" He said. "A few hours ago, dad had to throw him out!" I said and he put his hand under my chin. "Really, so the sheriff had to kick him out? What did he do?" He asked. "Nothing, he just didn't take the breakup so good!" "Yet he is no killer?" I took his hand away from my chin, but didn't let it go. "No, he isn't." I said and I said it firmly. He kissed me again. "Come in with me…" He said, but it wasn't a demand, nor was it really a question, it was more of a suggestion. "Why?" I asked. "Because I don't want you to go!" He kissed me again and I tensed up when he put his hands around me. "Yeah… those rumours… about how experienced I am… not true, none of them!" I said. "That's why you think I want you?" He asked and I wasn't sure up until he asked that. "Besides, I never believed them, not you!" He said and kissed me again. "I don't think you understand just how little I have done!" I said and now he let go of me. "No? So tell me!" He said. "As far as we have ever gone… perhaps a bit deeper kissing but that's it!" I said. "Ok.. and what? You don't want this to go any further… it's up to you!" I look at him. "I guess I thought you wouldn't want too…" I said honestly. "Well this must be rare, but you are wrong!" He said and we started to kiss again.

_I had done it before, I wasn't a virgin… but I didn't remember it, not to mention it was when I was unconscious, it was rape. So this was my first real time._


	3. Chapter 3

Not really faithful

_I prided myself for being faithful, I never cheated! But of course, that wasn't exactly true. This time it was me, al though it has been a secret for all these years._

13 years ago

"What the…" Weevil said as he opened his door to sight he had seen before. This time, however, I was by myself, no back up with me. "You back to throw something else at me?" He asked. "No. It was the campus police… how is that for ironic?" I said, but it was lame. "I don't give a shit actually!" He said. "No?" I said, but I already knew that, he did not care at all!. "No! You really thought I could do that to you? You actually thought I could take something like that from you… something she gave you?" He said, actually he more screamed. "I did. And I was wrong!" I just said. "That's it? You were wrong? That's not good enough!" He said, now a bit calmer. "I know it isn't." "Really? Cause a year ago you came to me… you let me take something you had saved and now you accused me of stealing something you got from Lily. What kind of monster would do that?" He asked. "A real one, and you are not it! I don't expect you to forgive me… and what I gave you, I don't regret that. I am actually happy I did that with you!" I said and that was true, completely true. "Don't ever accuse me of something like that again, you hear me… ever! I wouldn't.. not to you Veronica, not to you!" He said. "I hear you, and it might be hard to get… but I trust you, I really do!" I said and got up. "And… I'm sorry, I know you felt for her!" I said and he just looked up. "Her? You think this is about Lily… that was a long time ago, things have kind of changed! This is about you and me… and only you and me!" He said. "Yes it is. I won't do it again!" I said and was about to leave, but I changed my mind. I went up to him. "I really am sorry!" I said and then I kissed him. I don't know if I regretted it, I only knew I had to do it, or more I wanted to do it. He kissed me back, but then I realized what I was doing. "Right, boyfriend!" He said and I nodded. "I have to go!" I said and he just nodded. I left there in a hurry.


	4. Chapter 4

The end

_I know, it sound really sad, and it was a sad time, for him and I guess for me. But I did it again, this time… Logan was away._

4 years ago

Pony got down from the couch and I was just about to wonder why, she did not move unless something was wrong, or if someone was at the door. Moments after she jumped down, there was a knock on my door. It was late, so it would not be Wallace, he did not have the time to be up this late. Teaching was not a profession where you could afford late nights. And dad… nope, he was getting old. I got up and peaked through my window and I opened the door. The sight that I found wasn't pretty, far from it. "Weevil?" I said and he had to lean against the wooden fence, brown bag in his hand. "They are gone!" Was all he said at first. "Jade… and she took Valentina!" He said and I held up the door, and had to help him in. I put him down on the couch. I took his bag. "Glass of water for you it is!" I said and went to get it. "Can I sleep here? I really don't want to go back home tonight!" He said. "Sure, I'll get you a quilt… well I don't have an extra one, but a blanket I do have!" I said, but he took my hand. "Trust me, I'm gonna sleep fine without a blanket, might even be better… shouldn't get to comfortable!" He said. "I'm sorry." I just said, and I really was. "Where's Logan?" He asked. "Away." I just said and he nodded. I sat down next to him, and he put his head in my lap. He then put his hand to his head. "Already getting a hangover, been at it since this morning!" He said and I was going up to get him something for the headache. "No… don't.. just stay!" He said. "No, I'm just gonna give you something for your head!" I got up. "And then you're gonna go… " He said and he was right, but I went to the kitchen and found him one of my many pills, I had a habit of drinking wine whenever I could. He sat up and swallowed it. "Thanks" He said and took my hand, he kissed me and again I responded. I finally broke it. "Right… Boyfriend." I nodded, but I kissed him again, but broke it quickly. "You took your ring of!" I then said. "Yeah, not much use to have it on!" He said. "I should go to bed!" He nodded.

_The next morning he was gone, and Cliff told me he had settled the lawsuit, I was angry… very angry. It was almost like the end of everything._


	5. Chapter 5

The beginning

Present time

I came to his shop, and I had no idea what I was going to say.. well wrong, I had an idea of what I should say. I found him under a car and he was on his guard, as soon as he saw my feet I could hear him take out something and as he rolled out, I saw his gun. But when he saw me, he put it away. "You're back!" He just said as he got up. "I always come back." I said. "Yes, and you always find yourself back to me, except it has been over a year!" He said. "Yes it has, but once I was gone for 7 years and I still came back, 1 year seems like nothing!" I said. "Perhaps not to you!" He said and started to walk, I wasn't sure if I should follow, but I did. He had an office, a small and very messy one. "You should consider hiring someone to clean this up!" I said, because the mess made me crazy, to many years of filing papers for my dad. "You looking for a job?" He asked. "Not sure that would be the best of ideas, who knows what I would find here!" I said and he nodded. "Yeah, who knows…besides, this is my mess, and I find things here! Want a beer?" He asked. "Yeah." I said and he gave me one. "Don't make it a habit of drinking early, it's a dangerous thing to start!" "Thank you!" I then said before I drank my first zip. "I should have said that a year ago, you saved my life...and my dad's!" "He actually said thank you already!" He said. "Well, he has better manners than I do!" Weevil nodded. "How are you?" He then asked. "I have a lot of questions!" I said. "Well, that's not news!" He drank some from the beer and sat down on his desk. "Why did you do it?" I asked. "Save you? Why do you think?" He asked and I looked down on the floor. "Did Jade really leave because you went back you your gang?" I then asked. "No. But you are a smart girl, you knew that!" "The night you came, after she left… you must have started the settlement already, was it so they would stay?" I asked. "I guess it was. Jade was...stable, the mother of my child..the one who stayed!" "Did you love her?" Weevil drank some more of his beer. "As long as you stayed away, yes." I nodded, but I had no words. "But unless you have a question you don't already have the answer to, I don't see why we are talking about all this!" "Because we never did." I stated. "You know… it's probably the worst kept secret in Neptune, something everyone knows, but no one speaks of!" I put down my beer and went up to him. "What do you want from me Veronica?" He asked. "Right now? Right now I want you to hold me, I want to feel something, and somehow you always got me to feel." I said. "Yet… you always left, left for the greener grass on the other side!" I nodded. "I guess I did, but it is not greener there, I know that… just took me time to realize that!" I said and now he also put down his beer and put his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, finally I could feel something again. "Don't run away again." I bit my lip. "I'll try not to, I am tired of running!" I said and he leaned in and kissed me. For the first time in 14 years none of us backed away.


End file.
